The Realm of the Dark Blade

You know I have never really been a fan of straight razors. Don’t really know why. Apart from those rare occasions when they are ground into claws, brazed to copper pipes and attached to the fingers of leather work gloves, they just never really appeal to me. Normally, I find such evil and dangerous implements fascinating.

And straight razors are indeed evil. Unintentionally evil, grant you, but evil nonetheless. They are one of the few, relatively large, non surgical blades whose edge geometry is specifically designed to allow them to hold one of the keenest edges known to man. Even at the cost of strength. But in spite of my being intellectually aware of this, they just don’t *look* the part. Yes, they usually do have a little flair, but for the most part I find them waaaay to functional looking.

They are almost like box cutters to me. Equally dangerous, but they just don’t carry an aesthetic that evokes that primal awe that so many other blade designs do. Now I bring this up not for idle chitchat, but rather because I had occasion to analyze my thoughts about such a razor. Specifically a replica of the razor used by Johnny Depps character Sweeny Todd  in the movie “Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.”:

Straight razor of Demon Barber Sweeney Todd

Now this is a nice looking razor. I’m not saying it isn’t. The thing is, it just doesn’t speak to me. I haven’t seen the movie, so I don’t know if there is any real significance to it, but on the surface, it looks to me like the miniature equivalent of a machete. Just like any other razor. All go, no show. Well maybe a little show. But not quite enough show.

The funny thing is that, shortly after Sweeney Todd came out, having been glamorized by the movie, there was a sudden surge of custom straight razors on the market. Here’s another example I found somewhat more attractive:

Tom Anderson Raze Tac Custom Straight Razor

Arguably a much more modern design approach to the straight razor, and it certainly looks the part..  Black micarta scales with beautiful shiny accents, all rising up into what looks like it’s gonna be a sweet looking blade, and then… disappointment. It still looks like a folder horribly abused. So horribly mutilated that the doctor recommended that the tip be amputated. Sigh.

Here’s an arguably more cutting edge design:

Custom Straight Razor - Blue Widow Web

So now maybe we’re getting somewhere. This design eschews the classic straight razor grip for a contemporary designer folder grip. Not a bad look. Personally I thought it could have done without the spider web  motif, but hey. But yet again… as my eyes travel up from the hilt, that sinking feeling returns. Dagnabbit!

OK, so I admit I am biased towards points. And curves. And organic shapes. Perhaps with a few more curves or something, I might find straight razors more appealing. But that would defeat the point of a “straight” razor. And in any case, I think it’d be like lipstick on a pig. I dunno if it’s possible to gussy up a straight razor enough to make it look good,  without changing the very things that make it a straight razor.

But who knows. Maybe my expectations are a little high…

Tom Andersons Raze Tac – [True Swords]
Sweeny Todds Straight Razor – [True Swords]
Custom Straight Razor – Blue Widow Web – [True Swords]

I’ve posted a relatively fair share of what I consider “battle blades”, but today I thought I’d show you a rather interesting blade, one that, contrary to the other extravagant steel art I’ve been blogging about, looks like it would actually be rather wickedly effective. Yep. I’d like you to meet… the Interceptor:

Interceptor

Now that, my friends is evil. My kind of evil. Edges and curves and points. Oh My! :-}

Ok, back to intercepting. This appears to be a weapon modeled after a push dagger, except based on the brass knuckles form factor we first ran into in Tom Andersons Pantera Claws. Essentially, it’s a pair of wood scaled brass knuckles, (in steel) with a set of blades attached forward and to either side of the knuckles.

In essence, a push dagger. With a little extra. And a mean little push dagger it is. Well, perhaps not so little. It is significantly larger than any traditional push dagger, but in this case, this is not an unwelcome characteristic. Out front, we have two large forward blades, with forward pointing tips and outward facing edges.

Tom Anderson - Vicious Quad Edge Interceptor

On either side of the finger voids, we have one additional blade, edges facing out. All four blades have a little semicircular divot which seems to serve no other purpose than aesthetic style. Not the kind of thing I’d do, but they doesn’t seem to create any particularly bad weaknesses, so I’ll move on. The blade seems to be attached via a set of small screws, which might be the only major weakness I can see.

But beyond that, it seems like it would be a genuinely effective tool. Clearly, as a punch dagger, this would be killer (excuse the pun), no questions. The side blades, on the other hand, might see some limited effectiveness if the blade was used in a side hammer fist, though I’d probably not want to try to cut anything like that with the forward blades, unless you really won’t need the use of your fingers afterwards.

But when all is said and done, it’s sheer wickedness… Well, what more can I say… Look at it yourself and form your own conclusions…

Interceptor – Tom Anderson – [True Swords]/[eBlade Store]

You know, I’ve noticed a kind of trend in the collectible knife industry. There are, as you can probably imagine, several niche specific trademark weapon themes.

For instance, Every one will have, at one point or another, run onto the “Movie” themed blade, even if, as I have mentioned in previous posts, there was absolutely no call for a blade in the movie. In fact there are even some movies whose protagonists would never have touched a blade with a 100 foot, hyperspace extended, unobtanium pole, who still somehow manage to have swords made in their name. But I’m ranting now…

Anyway, other niche styles are the mean and practical (or at least practical looking ) fighting blades, which tend to be “Black Ronin/Ninja” styled. And then you have the more elegant and stylish types of “Fantasy” and hybrid fantasy/classical blades tend to follow the “Dragon” school of themed blade design.

Today we have an example of the “Crazy Fantasy blades inspired of nature” school of design, in which resides many of the most funky, impractical, wonky, and generally unusable blade designs, intended purely to showcase… Well, I guess you could call it “art” since that’s all it’s good for, but are basically freaky blades with a serious biomech fetish… Think reptiles, arachnids and H.R. Gieger…

One of the most proliferous vaults in the hallowed halls of the biomech school of blade aesthetics is that of the arachnophile designer. Here we find all manner of freaky spider, scorpion, Horders/Spinets and even dragon scorpakes/snakions, themed fantasy blades, (who knew such things existed??!) most with absolutely impossible ergonomics, that exist only for the purpose of art for arts sake.

Today’s weapon is yet another dubious chip off the infamous Blade Legged Spider block, this time from the warped mind of Tom Anderson, and sporting perhaps the most futile attempt (evar!), at appearing practical:

The Turantula

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Yes, with a cool hip name like Turantula, who could possibly fault this… thing? I dunno. But I do know there has to be a reason other than art in order to find practical fault with things like this, and frankly not being the particularly artsy type… I’m at a loss…

Soo… We start with the basics. A description. What we have here is a black, ovoid carapace looking thing, with a push dagger style grip attached to the top of it, and a set of 8 blades riveted to sockets arranged around the periphery of the carapace to form the legs of a spider.

OK, yes. This would do some damage if used push dagger style. But seriously, you can’t exactly hide something like this in your boot, like a push dagger. At best, you could grab it from the neato little spider web wall mount that it comes with and threaten a burglar with it. Who would promptly laugh and proceed to stab you to death for the insult.

Ok, maybe I’m not being fair. Truth is, I actually like to design of the leg blades. And the T grip is not bad either. This isn’t how I’d put it all together, but from an artistic standpoint I like the overall idea, and the strategically designed wall mount is a nice touch. The thing is that It’s just so blatantly useless (apart from being an admittedly cool conversation piece on the wall) that it screams to be picked on…

But maybe it’s just me…

Turantula – Tom Anderson – [Collectors Edge]

Custom knife designers are known for thier off-the-wall creations. And some are more off-the-wall than others. And then there are those who just steal weapons designs from other sources. I’m sure you are all familiar with Death. Yes. Death.
You know, the tall, sombre, enigmatic figure, suffering from a rather extreme case of chronic bulimia, in the black robe with the over-sized scythe, that purportedly reaps our souls when we die? AKA the Grim Reaper? Well today we will be looking at a weapon, by crazy knife designer Tom Anderson, that, from the looks of it, was stolen from the grim reapers weapons locker:

The Kultovator

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Well what can I say. Lets take it from the top. This is a half size scythe, with a half sized blade, presumably to make close quarters soul reaping easier. And it’s got a lot of cool modern touches. The blade is wickedly hooked, beak like, almost like an oversized Kama blade. All the better to reap you with. And the head is just fantastic. The three rearward spikes, the futuristic black and white patterned cheek of the weapon, it’s all so very contemporary in a “Death for the new Millennium” kind of way.

Below that, however, it all goes freaky really, really, fast. The shaft of this scythe looks almost like someones spine was used as the shaft. And capped of by a skull. Quite possibly from the same unfortunate soul who became the shaft. All very gruesome. In a cool, dark kind of way, of course. Not that I’m trying to make light of a weapon of Death. I do, in fact, have a very well developed sense of self preservation. (In spite of how I may come across.)

Anyway, I don’t know about you, but it looks to me as though the grim reaper has been experimenting with a new Scythe design. And you can tell from the name that Tom Anderson TOTALLY ripped off the Grim Reaper. (Like how I did that little redirection? Sweet right? Yeah. Now old man Death can be mad at Mr, Anderson instead. Uh huh. I’m good like that.) Come on Kultovator? Like Kultovating Souls for reaping? OK, so that was reaching a bit. But I still say he stole a page from the reapers playbook…

The Kultovator by Tom Anderson – [Red Dragon Swords]

In keeping with the trend of unusual spears I’ve been blogging about lately, I thought I’d show you an interesting short spear design, from the mind of Tom Anderson:

The Quad Sickle

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Now this spear is not particularly glamorous. It have a very futuristic look to it though. The is capped of the sharply pointed pommel rises into a black ribbed shaft that extends into the spear head. However that’s where it’s mediocrity ends.

The spear tip on this “Quad Sickle” is decently pointy, looking for all the world like an oversized broadhead arrow head, on a rather skinny looking shaft. Perhaps not the strongest design I’ve ever seen. In fact, if I were making a list of complaints, it would be at the top of the list.

However that is not the true selling point of this spear. This weapon has a very unique feature. By sliding a metal sleeve back, four razor sharp blades are released from metal sheathes just below the spear tip. And they look quite the menace.

Now the placement of these blades makes them functionally pointless (excuse the pun) for a spear, however they are almost perfectly situated for something else: Using the weapon as a spiked mace! I could totally see this being used as an bladed impact weapon, as well as a thrusting weapon.

The most quirky thing about this weapon is that it’s name seems strangely detached from it’s functional capabilities. It has four blades, so yes it could be called a “Quad” something. But “Quad Sickle”? I dunno. Perhaps for reaping the souls of your opponents maybe…?

The Quad Sickle – by Tom Anderson – [King of Swords]

I ran into another interesting creation from Knife designer Tom Anderson, in the form of an unusual “pole arm”, (for lack of a better description):

Castle Keep Staff

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The Castle Keep Staff appears to be, at first glance, little more than spear, sporting two extra blades on either side of it’s head. I imagine if we are to go by the name Tom Anderson gave this weapon, we might assume that it would have been used much like a pike would have been used by medieval knights, except for the fact that the blades on this thing seem a little flimsy in comparison to the popular pole arms of the day, many of which were intended to be able to defeat knights in armor on horseback.

Nonetheless it is quite an interesting weapon for one specific reason. You may have noticed that in spite of it’s obvious similarities to a spear, it was called a staff. It’s name is actually not technically inaccurate, and here’s why. The spear head and pommel are attached to the shaft using threaded connectors, which means that they can both be removed, and attached to each other. The result? A staff and a dagger.

Now from a practical perspective, given the weakness of the blade, this combo might be better suited to dagger/staff duty than spear duty, especially for castle defense, and I would be hard pressed to fight an armored knight on horseback armed with just a dagger and a staff, so from a castle defense perspective, I’d say this is kind of a pointless weapon.

But of course, there are no medieval knights roaming the American countryside, and this weapon is merely a designers vision given form, so I am just nitpicking unnecessarily. The whole dual weapon thing is a neat little trick though. Unless, of course, there is a secret society of fully armored, mounted knights roaming the countryside, just waiting for some fool to decide to defend their castle against attack with a contingent of soldiers armed with Castle Keep Staves.

Hey, don’t laugh. It could happen. Really. And no, you can’t have any of what I’m on. it’s some really good, hard to find stuff…

Tom Anderson’s Castle Keep Staff – [Red Dragon Sword Co]

In a previous post we looked at an out-of-left-field hand blade by Tom Anderson, another killer blade designer, called Critical Mass. Well, I found yet another revision of this freaky blade type, looking for all the world like it belonged on the set of Mad Max…

Critical Mass II - Tom Anderson

Now this weapon is a bitter sweet comeback to me, because although it appears to me to be an improvement on the original Critical Mass design in many areas, it also takes a step backwards in a few others others.

For instance, on the original Critical Mass, the handle was placed fairly far forward, and had a “hood” that extended far enough back that it rested on the users forearm. Though this design left your actual hand exposed, it allowed for a great deal of control of the weapon. On this weapon, although the hand is pretty much covered, it pretty much stops there. You have much less leverage, and therefore less control.

And then there is the mounting point for that front blade on Critical Mass II. I’ve never understood why you would make a fairly wide blade, and then weaken it at the attachment point by narrowing it just before the hilt. Again the first version did not suffer any such weaknesses.

An Ornamental Katar

Of course I would be remiss not to mention that the basic weapon design does appear to have at least superficial similarities to a perhaps much more practical weapon, called the Katar. The Katar is a punch-blade style weapon of Indian decent. Some of them have mechanically actuated split blades, also called “Scissor Katars”, and yet another variety called the “Hooded Katar” have a shield over the back of the hand. Given also that it would probably be a lighter and faster weapon, I would probably prefer to use a split-blade hooded Katar if given a choice, over either Critical Mass weapon.

Video Game Scissors Katar

Nonetheless Critical Mass II does have a lot of strong points. Literally. It is simpler and the blades are much more effectively placed than in the first. It is probably also lighter and faster than the first. It provides much better hand protection, though it could have benefit from an extended hood for both forearm protection and extra support and control.

But given the sweet lines of those, oh-so-beautiful black blades, the menacing spikes on the guard, and the overall no nonsense look of the piece, I’d say it’s a winner. I dare you to disagree. I dare ya. I double dog dare ya. I triple dog dare ya… Yeah… Whatever.

Critical Mass by Tom Anderson – [The Collectors Edge]

I found yet another example of over-the-top, wrist-mounted weapon madness from Tom Anderson, in the form of the menacing, multi-bladed, and totally overkilled, Critical Mass:

Critical Mass by Tom Anderson

Now this is one of those wacky, off the wall deals that is probably more practical as a conversation starter than a weapon. Yes, it does appear to be functional, but this isn’t the kind of thing you would take into a fight unless you’re the kind that spends your Saturday nights in a 50′x50′ steel cage. In a secret underground arena. With one other barbarian, similarly equipped, each of you trying to bring the others life to a swift and decisive end, while a galleria of wealthy spectators watch, for ridiculously obscene amounts of money. I’m just saying.

However for pure aesthetic impact, Critical Mass is “Teh Pwnerer”. I mean look at it, it’s a big ol’ honkin’ piece o’ black metal, sharp edges, lots of blades, points all around… Kinda hard to beat the intimidation factor of this thing. I’m talkin death-match quality folks…

Tom Andersons’ Critical Mass – [SouthWest Blades]

LOL, Alright. So I’m not talking about cold fusion, as in, I haven’t figured out how to get a nuclear reactor to operate at room temperature. That would have been a perfect excuse to explain my lack of posts for the last few days. And would be the first step in a super secret plan I have to build a super computer that could play games like Halo 2, Half-Life 2 , F.E.A.R., Far Cry and Battlefield 2142 at super high resolution in a totally immersive environment. Basically an environmentally controlled room where each wall is just a huge monitor screen and…

OK it’s supposed to be secret so I cant say anymore otherwise i will have to put a contract out on your heads. So I’m not going to try to explain at all. So there. Deal. Humph. But back to the topic at hand. I was actually talking about an interesting blade by Tom Anderson.

Kold Fuzhion by Tom Anderson

Now this weapon caught my eye for two reasons. First it is a beautiful knife. I love the waspy shape and the beautiful lines of the handle. And the two retractable edged guards certainly add to the wicked look of the knife. Overall it’s just the kind of design i like. Organic and subtle.

But the second reason should be immediately apparent any Star Trek fans among you. This knife has an uncanny resemblance in both form and operation to a Klingon weapon called the d’k tahg (or daqtagh) most notable for being used to kill Captain James Tiberias Kirk‘s son during the third Star Trek movie (The Search for Spock).

Klingon D'k Tahg

As you can see there is a strong resemblance. About the only difference is that the original Klingon weapon employs straight lines, and a hollow fuller of sorts, whereas Tom Andersons version incorporates a lot of curves and holes in the blade. In my humble opinion, though this may sound like blasphemy to any hard core ‘trek fan, I must say I prefer the Anderson blade over the original. However in my defense, I have generally always had an affinity for curves over straight lines…

Tom Anderson Kold Fuzhion Double Edge – [True Swords]

Ok, so in spite of my reservations about knife makers trying to cash in on the popularity of one of my favorite X-Men, (Who? Well Wolverine of course! Duuuuh!), I went looking to see if anything new was out there. Stupid idea. I should have known better. I ran into yet another set of wannabe “Wolverine” claws.

X-Men Wolverine Claws Style 2 - Wood Grip

“Type II”, as it shall be known for the remainder of this post, is more or less a simple bear-like (imho) claw design. A set of curved blades pinned to a simple hardwood handle. No attempt at style, and unfortunately, no originality either. Wolverine fans need not apply. How, in the name of all that is sacred in this world, is this supposed to look like “X-Men Wolverine” claws? After ingesting a controlled substance? If so, I’ll need some of whatever the designer was smokin’, ’cause whatever it is, it’s pretty freakin’ good… Gonna need a little help understanding this one…

While this design doesn’t get any points for aesthetics, the design is reasonably functional, though I’m not so sure how well that wooden handle would handle any real abuse. So far as marketing, they should have left Wolvie alone and stuck to the tried and true “Ninja weapon” marketing ploy. It would have been more plausible.

Almost as if to mock me, I found yet another variation of a set of “wolverine” claws that I had blogged about previously. Specifically, the “Special Edition” version of the Pantera Claw.

Anderson Cultery "Special Edition" Pantera Claws

Funny thing though, as far as I can tell, they are exactly the same as the old ones, except for the grip material being better, gold plated grip screws and either polished or plated blades. I’ll give props on the improved grip material. It would certainly improve the functionality of the weapon. But as for everything else, as you already know, I’m not particularly into the shiny stuff. I suppose most people don’t mind paying big money for a little bling. But I don’t get it… Gold plated screws? What? Why!?

<RANT>

OK Wolverine blade designers. Come on. This is not difficult. Wolverines claws, while unique, are not entirely impossible to replicate. And nobody is asking you to design an enclosed mechanism housing a set of retractable steel claws for surgical implantation, though I am sure there would be *many* takers if you did. Here, let me help you out:

1. Wolverines claws come out of the back of his hands, between his knuckles. NO “Wolverine” claw replica may have blades that emerge between the fingers.

2. For the sake of simplicity, replicas do not even need to have the ability to automatically extend or retract the claws (though this would be a rather large humongous plus). You may optionally make the blades removable.

3. A correctly designed replica must use a bracket with blades attached to a plate that could be strapped to the back of the hand with a handle underneath. Optionally, X-Men gloves/gauntlets can be provided to conceal the attachment mechanism.

4. The claws must be fairly long. At the very least 10″, and relatively thick for it’s width, with one mild continuous curve. Alternatively they may be completely straight with a fairly sharp downturn for the last fourth of the blades length. Either design is acceptable. No funky divots, no high-angle curves, no short, wide, cat/bear-like claws. Please.

5. points 1-4 MUST be met in order to gain Phyreblades seal of approval.

That’s it Bub. How difficult is that? Lets see you give it the old “college try”…

</RANT>

Update!:
I have put together a guide that lists some of the common wolverine claw replicas and memorabilia in this post. Should save some of you a few clicks on teh intarwebs…

“Wolverine” Claws (Type II) – [True Swords]
Pantera Claws (Special Edition) – [True Swords]

PhyreBlades Ultimate Wolverine Claw Reference Guide – [Realm of The Dark Blade]