Posts Tagged ‘Covert’

Singing in the Rain…

Monday, November 16th, 2009

And by “singing” I mean “singing blades of steel”. And by “in the rain” I mean “in an umbrella”. Am I confusing you? Well, alrighty then. Here, this should help:

Covert Umbrella Sword Cane

Covert Umbrella Sword Cane

Yeah, that. What did you think I was talking about? A Broadway musical?… BWA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HAHA HA… *cough* Silly…

Anyhoo, I’ve talked about swords and guns, swords in rifles, swords in canes, swords in pens and lipstick, (or rather knives in pens and lipstick – I don’t imagine a sword could really be well hidden inside a stick of lipstick. Unless said stick belonged to the 50 Ft woman. 🙂 ) so today I thought I’d switch it up a little and talk about… You guessed it! Swords in umbrellas!!

Yep. Unlike the “sword-in-non-functioning-rifle” idea, which was liable to get you shot before you ever had a chance to draw your sword, the sword-in-umbrella concept is so much more practical. So much more sophisticated. So much more… useful. After all, who’s gonna shoot a person armed naught but a lowly brolly?

Let’s say you and some random vagabond get into an argument. The vagrant suddenly pulls a gun. Then all you gotta do is grab your cool black ‘brella, raise both hands into the air and go “wait, wait, wait! Don’t shoot! I’m un-armed!”. Then you walk up to them and go “You know, I’m sorry, I’d really like to apologize for all this.” Then you pull out your sword and run the heathen through. At that point you can say: “Really sorry mate!” and walk off, singing, in to the dark, rainy night…

Riiight… OK. No.

So that would technically be low. Dirty. Dishonorable. Unsportsmanlike even. Like stabbing a person in the back. With a spoon. A spoon covered in warm ketchup. And then telling them you got their spleen and you’re gonna pawn it on the black market… I refer, of course, to running a person through when you could have walked away. Not the part where you are walking along, singing in the middle of a rainstorm at night, though that possesses it’s own unique… intrigue.

So let me categorically state that, if, in the aforementioned scenario, they are willing to talk, then you are obligated to talk your way out of it. Or run away, as fast as your little legs can carry you,  if you can. The “run them through” option is only for when you have no other choice, you are trapped, you cannot leave, and they are no longer willing to talk. And, of course, you are physically able to run them through. :/

Of course, I hate to break it to you, but the reality of life is that, if you actually did somehow find yourself in a situation like that, you’re probably gonna get shot. So be prepared for that possibility.  O_o  But it bears mentioning that if some idiot pulls a gun on you, then allows you to get close enough to them to un-sheath, and subsequently run them through with an umbrella sword… Well, then they probably deserved it.

Not that it’s OK, or right, or anything, I’m just saying… 😀

Covert Umbrella Sword Cane – [True Swords]

Pen Knives and Cutting Edge Lipstick…

Monday, October 19th, 2009

While perusing the endless sea of knives on the internets, I came across this little accoutrement…

Lipstick Knife (Hawkbill II)

Lipstick Knife (Hawkbill II)

Yes indeed. A lipstick knife!  A cool little hawkbill blade,  with a serrated edge, concealed within a rather innocuous looking black and gold lipstick housing. Now hopefully this is a full tang construction, because weapons like these are notorious for losing their blades otherwise. the alternative is to never use it, and keep it only for emergencies, but what fun would that be? 🙂

Now being the male member of my species, I would not be caught dead with one of these things, however I could certainly see the appeal this might have for those of the female persuasion. This way, a lady could carry around a knife without making it obvious that she is carrying a blade on her person.

But never you fret guys, there is something here for you too:

Ink Pen Knife - Black Finish

Ink Pen Knife - Black Finish

Aha! Here we have an actual pen knife. A pen with a blade. Would you look at that! has a straight blade, as opposed to a hawkbill, but then again you have more room in a pen than a stick of lipstick for a blade. And of course the ladies can use this too. And for the fashion concious among you, this also comes in black and gold, with a serrated edge, just like the lipstick:

Ink Pen Knife Black and Gold - Serrated Edge

Ink Pen Knife Black and Gold - Serrated Edge

Again, the warning against hard use stands. Because most ink pen knives are generally designed to also retain a functional pen, they do usually have an ink tube (albeit a shortened one), and can therefore not usually a full tang construction. Those desgined this way will generally do not hold up to daily use. So again, only use them when necessary.

I only have one other caution. Please don’t get one of these and decide to go James Bond/Emma Frost on anyone. You may not like the consequences.

Trust me.

Is a pen really mightier than a sword…?

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Eerrr… Maybe. Being the pragmatic sort that I am, I would much rather be armed with a sword than a pen. As they say, never bring a pen to a swordfight… or an dog to a catfight… or a Cessna to a dogfight… Or something along those lines… or whatever… *cough*

Actually, my meandering intro was supposed to come to a pithy point somewhere… Something about pens being used for combat. Ah, yes. As I was saying, while your average pen might not neccesarily be the ideal defense against a sword wielding assailant, occasionally you might find a pen a useful combat weapon against an unarmed aggressor. Especially if you happen to be carrying a pen like this:

Timberline Lightfoot Combat Pen

The Combat Pen

[view full size]

Now this, my friends, is a combat pen. What is a “combat pen” you ask? Well lessee. Most pens make bad weapons because they are not designed to withstand any significant bending forces. And wile they fare much better as thrusting weapons and shanks, they are marginal at best, as an of-center strike could still break the pen. This little gizmo is designed to withstand considerable bending and impact stresses the likes of which would make a regular pen cry for their mommies.

It is actually quite simple, the pen is made with a high strength fluted aluminum shell with a pointed end and cap with a flat top covering the ball point. Nothing really all that fancy. The design is such that it could be held in he hand with the thumb atop the flat end, enabling rather crippling blows to vital strike points on your opponents body. Pretty nifty eh?

Nifty it is, but the truth is that this is really just a modern iteration of an old school Japanese weapon commonly referred to as the Kubotan. The Kubotan is a short, (roughly about 5 inches), usually unsharpened rod held in the palm of the hand. The ends used to strike pressure points on your opponent. Except now, in pen form, it becomes an even more innocuous and clandestine self defense weapon for the workplace… Did I mention how nifty this is?

OK. Now the inquisitive among you are probably asking yourself why I am posting about a pen today. To be frank, one of the primary motivations for posting about a pen instead of say, a sword, is… Taxes.

Blasted tax day is upon us, once again, and to be brutally honest, when I saw this pen, it just seemed appropriate. Seriously, after doing taxes, I’d like nothing more than to stick a combat pen into the jugular veins of the people who came up with all those mind bogglingly complex tax regulations…

Timberline Lightfoot Combat Pen – [True Swords]

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