Posts Tagged ‘Battle’

The All Natural Trench Knife! Don’t mess with Mother Nature…

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

So let me pose a hypothetical question. IF you were given a choice of a weapon made of wood, and one made of steel, which one would you pick? I’m sure most of you would, without hesitation, pick the one made of steel. I, on the other hand, would be on the fence. Especially given that I tend to like things that are just… Cool. That’s not to say that wooden blades are entirely worthless, after all, you can do a lot of damage with a piece of wood, and even more if it has been sharpened and the edge hardened.

But what if it had teeth as well? Yeah… You heard me… A wooden knife. With a wicked set of teeth for a blade. Uh huh. Yeah… Now things get interesting… Imagine, if you will, an all natural fighting implement… Made entirely of natural materials, and edged with rows of razor-sharp shark teeth. Oh, but I’m not done yet. How about we throw in a spike. From a swordfish no less. Awwww Yeah… Now we’re talking…

Think about it. We are talking about the hand weapon equivalent of  a shark with a rapier attached to its snout. Certainly a laser attached to its head might be far more impressive, but with a spike, you’ll never have to replace the batteries. I’m just saying.  A spike is nothing to sneeze at. Take that and make a weapon out of it, and voilà! you have a personal, wooden hand shark. With a spike attached to its freakin’ head!

A fearsome weapon capable of horrific damage, but so stealthy that would not even set off metal detectors in an airport. Unless, of course you happened to use teeth from a shark that had somehow had the benefit of a modern dental plan, and had braces and amalgam fillings to boot. No, don’t laugh. It could happen. No, seriously. Go watch “Finding Nemo” and tell me that can’t happen. But I digress.

Today, I fawn over a very old but very cool all natural weapon of war called the Pahoa A’u Ku, also known as the Swordfish Bill Dagger. A combination of this:

A`u ku - Marlinspike Dagger

A`u ku - Marlinspike Dagger

And this:

Leiomano pahoa a`u

Leiomano pahoa a`u

 

To create this:

Pahoa A'u Ku - Marlinspike Leiomano Dagger

Pahoa A'u Ku - Marlinspike Leiomano Dagger

 

In case you didn’t quite catch just how much awesome I just laid on you up there, let me recap. The A`u ku is a dagger made from the spike of the broad bill Marlin a large fish with a very distinctive spike, much like a swordfish. Sometimes swordfish swords were used. The Leiomano pahoa a`u is a mêlée weapon, usually made of Koa wood, with a row of fairly wicked looking shark teeth affixed to the front edge of it.

Both weapons are relatively cool and awesome in their own right, but combine to produce the Pahoa A’u Ku, a weapon more awesome than the Decepticon Devastator! And all with materials straight from nature, in an almost unmodified form… WIN!

Proof, once again, that in spite of all the cool things we can do with steel nowadays, Mother nature was a total BAMF long before Chuck Norris and Samuel L. Jackson came along…

Yeah, I said it. Don’t hate. You know it’s true…

A`u ku -[Kumulau]
Pahoa A’u Ku – [Kumulau]
Leiomano pahoa a`u – [My Armory]

A Mini Ninja Tool Kit.

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

And just in case you are wondering, no, I am not talking about a tool kit for little ninjas. Though, as a side note, I am sure they do exist and are just as deadly as their larger counterparts. But no, they will not be the topic of today’s post. Rather I will be talking about ninja weapons. I’m sure you have all seen those gazillion piece ninja sword sets, that have hira shuriken in the guards, small knives, throwing spikes, and blinding powder in the saya, etc. etc, etc. Well, today I ran into a small scale version of that kit. the Ninja Battle Tanto set:

Ninja Tanto Battle Set

Ninja Tanto Battle Set

Yessiree, everything the aspiring ninja might need for a little clandestine action, all in an ultra mobile, compact form factor. Now technically, I think it is inaccurate to call this a “battle” set, since to my knowledge, Ninjas are not traditionally known to engage in “battle” in a traditional sense. They were more the special forces/guerrilla type, experts in asymmetrical warfare. So I prefer to call this the Ninja “tool kit”

And it’s got lots of cool tools. in addition to the cool little jet black, full tang tanto, with a push dagger hidden in the pommel, it’s got a sweet little sheath that holds three bo shuriken, and a small compartment for Tashibishi (aka Caltrops) that could be thrown on the ground to dissuade any pursuers eager to expedite your demise at the completion of a mission. 😀

To be honest, I’m not a big fan of excessive amalgamated accessorization. Putting too many things in one place can cause problems. I can see those bo shuriken getting caught on things as you walked by, maybe even interfering with the deployment of the knife, so I’d probably find a better less snag-likely place to put them. And the same goes for the caltrops box. It’s a cool idea, but I think it would hinder any kind of low profile knife carry. It would also get relocated.

However the push dagger in the grip ois a nice touch, and I really do like the profile of the blade on this tanto. It has the traditional tanto profile, with a false edge which would give it a great combination of both cutting and thrusting ability. Pretty cool design. So, Do a little trimming and relocation of the sheath accessories, and Voila! A nice little ninja EDC kit.

Just the kind of thing any enterprising ninja might need. 😀

Ninja Tanto battle set tool kit – [True Swords]

If the Grim Reaper used an Axe…

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Yes. That is the question of the day. If old man Grim used and axe instead of a scythe, what would it look like? To be honest I have no clue. I just can’t imagine my O’l buddy Grim using anything other than a scythe. He’s really quite attached to that thing. They have some symbolic history together, something about harvesting souls or some other sappy poetic schmaltz.

Not my cup of tea, really, but he’s all about it. For a guy who spends a lot of time snatching the life right out of unsuspecting peeps at the drop of a hat, he always comes across as a bit of a tragic emo/goth. The perpetually covered face, the dark clothes, the endless angst, always carrying that blasted scythe around regardless of whether he’s actually on the clock or not… Meh. But I apologize. I ramble.

Back to the question at hand. If Mr. G. Reaper were to use an axe, what would it look like? Well, I still can’t say. I admit it. I have no imagination. Sue me. So instead I’m going to show you what some one else thinks it might look like. Allow me present the Grim Reaper Battle Axe:

Grim Reaper Battle Axe

Grim Reaper Battle Axe

Now this is an evil axe. Just the kind of thing I like. Big, crude, heavy, evil edges and lots of points and hooks and barbs and such, with but a token attempt at finesse. Just look at it. Not that Mr R. would ever use it, but you cannot possibly argue that this isn’t a an axe worthy of a reaper-type entity. Heck I’d use it, and reaping is just a hobby I indulge in part time when I’m bored. 😉

What we have here is a huge, 51″ slab of solid, polished stainless steel. On one end a large almost medieval glaive-like double bladed axe head, complete with center spike. Coming down from the head, we have a leather wrapped grip, and then a short, but particularly nasty looking section of serrated blade. below that, we have another leather wrapped grip section, and below that we have a triple barbed hook, ending in a sharp, rather unforgiving looking, talon like point.

Now truth be told, I think the mechanics of this weapon are horrific. I mean, ergonomically speaking, you’d have to be a Klingon, or Vulcan, or have trained using a Bathleth or a Lirpa, or some similarly esoteric weapon, in order for this weapon to make sense. And that void/spike in the center really violates my sense of mechanical aesthetics. Why the huge void cut out of the center of the the Axe head? For weight reduction maybe?

And even then, why attach that point just above that by two really thin looking stems. It’s certainly a cool design feature, but it seems like it would be the first thing to break if subjected to any bending forces. And then, as if those weren’t enough, there’s a serrated blade in the very section of the weapon that your hand would be likely to slide into? I dunno ’bout all that. I would rather think most folks would like to keep their fingers. But that’s just my opinion. 🙂

It just seems to me that a person wielding this weapon would be cruisin’ for a bruisin’… Or didn’t really like their fingers very much. Which would be a shame. BUT on the other hand, every inch of this thing says “I mean business.” And by “business”, I mean “Bringing the pain”. Big time. So I’m on the fence. And unfortunately my old pal Mr. R has remained strangely silent on the issue. No surprise, I suppose, given that none of my concerns regarding self mutilation at the hands of this monstrosity would apply to him.

So what do you think? Is this… Axe Thing… (of ultimate evil) reaper material? Or not? 😀

Grim Reaper Battle Axe – [North Star Collectibles]

Another Crazy Cool But Worthless Hand Claw…

Monday, December 8th, 2008

Hi there folks… I’m back… 😀 With another entry from the “how to get yourself killed in an armed cage match” series. Today we have an interesting hand weapon that had so much potential… but ultimately failed in implementation.

Red Spiked Hand Claws w Knuckle Guards

Red Spiked Hand Claws w Knuckle Guards

[click image to view full size]

Yes, ladies and germs, allow me to present you with this (quite descriptively) named “Red Spiked Hand Claw With Knuckle Guards”. As it’s name suggests, this is a fairly menacing looking gauntlet thingy. Yes, in fact Sinza, had a thread over in our Exotic Automatic forums had a thread on this and we had a good laugh about it, (you can visit his site here: http://exoticautomatic.com ) but I suppose you’ll need some more details about why we found this so humorous. Well, I’d be happy to oblige.

But first, the basics.

We have what looks to be a large leather base panel, upon which is mounted a double skull laden cast metal emblem, with an recess in the back for a small red blade, with leather tassels attached. Never been a fan of the tassels, but I guess it the little red blade could have been intended for throwing, which would make the tassels have some practical functionality. But back to the weapon.

The leather base is adorned with a set of rivets in the rear, and a row of metal rings on either edge. It is fastened at the wrist by what looks like a band of nylon webbing. Ahead of the emblem and just above the knuckles we have a set of four metal skull medallions. And just after that, is where things begin to get interesting. The front of the leather panel splits into four fingers, and proceeds into a set of four spiked knucke guards, where it is riveted in place, both top and bottom.

Each knuckle guard has a very evil looking spike protruding from the center, at right angles to the guard, and each has ring, through which the fingers fit, which serves as the front attachment point for the gauntlet. And finally, the piece d’resistance, what makes this weapon cool (and also good for a laugh) are a set od deep red blades, attached to the cast metal emblem on the back of the leather base.

Now, we get to the fun (or at least humorous) part. While this design looks good/evil, (evil is good!!) it suffers from numerous rather painful ergonomic and mechanical flaws. I’ll start with the one that had sinza and I laughing. If you go to the link with the product page below, you will see there is a disclaimer.

This disclaimer warns that the coolblades atop the metal base are attached with, get this, GLUE, and is at risk of falling off should your pet kitten so much as sneeze in your general direction while wearing it. Ok, so they didn’t exactly say that. But they might as well have. Honestly who uses glue to attach metal parts to one another? So basically, you can’t subject it to hear, impact, stresses, vigorous motion, etc. Yeah. But they assure us, it’s no big deal, when it breaks you can just fix it using stronger glue…

HELLOOOOO… How ’bout at least suggesting some JB Weld, epoxy or something there bud? More glue? Seriously, that’s just wrong…

Anyway, that is not the end to the PHAIL that is the red spiked hand claw with knuckle guards. If you are in any way familiar with my past reviews of weapons of this type I’ve mentioned how important good anchoring is. This weapon designer would totally phail Phyreblades armblade anchor 101.

Notwithstanding that this leather base is entirely too flimsy for the job it has been tasked with, and that the metal attachement points do not seem sufficently reinforced to handle any kind of stress, (assuming the blades didn’t come off first) look at where the rings for your fingers to slide into those knuckle guards are. See where they are on the fingers in the pic?

Well, If you were to actually punch something with them like that, they would want to slide backwards. Back down and between the fingers. They would not stay up where they are right now. And it looks like there’s a good inch or so of play between where they are and where they are going to end up. What does that mean? No stability. Not good. At all.

And the base is going to go all cockeyed, because the wrist strap is way too close, and isn’t adjustable for length. In fact,  in this balrogs humble opinion, this would be worthless as a practical weapon. Unless you broke off one of the blades and used it to claw your opponents eyes out.  Maybe if you’re lucky and have long hands, the spikes might stay in the right position… But I wouldnt bet on that either…

At least it looks cool. If you’re the type of superficial person for whom looks are enough..

Hey I’m just saying…

Red Spiked Geriatric Battle Drome Hand Claw with Knuckle Guards – [True Swords]

The Zombies Ate My Brain…

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

I’m guessing it was while I wasn’t looking. During a movie. Resident Evil, to be specific. How do I know this? Because I just ran into a weapon that is supposedly from the movie RE, and I cannot, for the life (or brains) of me, remember anything remotely similar being in the movie…

Alices Zombie Extinction Arm Spikes - AKA Zombie Killing Kunai

Alice's Zombie Extinction Arm Spikes - AKA Zombie Killing Kunai

[click image to view full size]

Ok, so what are these? Well, to be honest, I haven’t the foggiest. Prolly on account of my brains being consumed and all. But I can certainly try to determine how they might be used…

So what these look like are a set of cast alloy spikes, with a faux Kunai four sided diamond like cross section. With a ring on top. Again like a kunai. What little is left of my brain is getting very suspicious.

Each side if the spike is cast with a rectangular parallelogram. Why? I dunno. But a pattern appears to be emerging. They are thick, low quality castings (like a Kunai) have a ring (like a kunai) come in multiples (Much like Kunai) and even have a leather wrist holster (Can anyone say “Ninja “?)

And to top it all off, I do not recall seeing anything like this in any of the Resident Evil movies… So here’s what I think the real story is. Some enterprising knife designer decided to design an “original” kunai. For some reason, they don’t sell. Then marketing hits on a brilliant idea:

Brand it as a weapon used by a popular (and pretty) protagonist (Alice), from a popular series of movies- Resident Evil. Voila! Alice now uses Kunai to kill Zombies… Alllllrighty then.

Any questions?

Alices Zombie Extinction Arm spikes Kunai – [True Swords]

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