Posts Tagged ‘Axe’

A Little Something For The Earth Bound Klingon… Or Lord Vader…

Monday, June 7th, 2010

OK so let me pose a hypothetical scenario. Let’s say you are a Klingon. Yes, you are a member of a well known warrior race from Star Trek. Got it? Good. Now lets say you get marooned on earth. No, I don’t know how that happened or what you did to deserve it. Stuff happens alright? Deal.

Anyway let’s say you are stuck on Earth. In prehistoric times. Yes, I said prehistoric. Why? Look, you are asking too many questions. I’m trying to set up a scenario here. Ok fine, we’ll say someone tweaked the nav systems and warp core configuration on your Klingon warbird so that the next time you tried to warp somewhere, you got marooned, on Earth, in the past, and the dilithium crystals in your warp core are broken, so you now cannot get back.

OK? Happy now? Can I continue?

Thank you.

So… Now you are stranded in a prehistoric earth jungle, and you need a bladed weapon to survive… Say what? Why no Disruptors? OH, for the love of… *sigh* Look, work with me here. Lets say you’ve been stranded for some time, and you’re all out of power OK? Does that work for you? Any other details you’d like me to cover before I go on? No? Are you sure…? Wait… What? Recrystallize the dilithium crystal lattice? …

… *veins popping out of forehead*

YOU @*@&#@! IDIOT!!! THIS IS PREHISTORIC EARTH! THERE ARE NO NUCLEAR REACTORS, SO YOU CAN SAFELY ASSUME THERE ARE NO SAFE AND READILY AVAILABLE SUPPLIES OF GAMMA RADIATION TO CAPTURE AND REPAIR DECRYSTALLIZED DILITHUIM CRYSTALS WITH, YOU #*&$%# INSUFFERABLE DWEEB!!!

Jiminy Christmas, enough already!! OK that’s it. No more questions. You’ve ruined my perfect set up.  I’m just going to show you the blade.

Tactical Golok

Tactical Golok

This is the tactical Golok. The Golok is a traditional chopping tool, a kind of short machete, originating in southeast Asia, characterized by a wide tipped, top heavy blade. The Tactical Golok is a a Golok on steroids. Or as would be designed by a Klingon, trapped in prehistoric ages, on earth, who had naught but primitive tools. WITH NO USABLE DILITHIUM CRYSTALS. Ok… gotta breath now… Whooosaaaahhh… alrighty then.

In fact the tactical Golok bears a vague resemblance to a traditional Klingon weapon, the MekLeh’ crossed with a traditional golok…

Klingon Mek'Leth

Klingon Mek'Leth

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Golok

Golok

OK… Too vague. That didn’t work out quite the way I thought it would. All kinds of evil was supposed to ensue. Hmmm… What to do, what to do… Actually, now that I think about it, this Golok has more in common with Kratos’ Swords of Chaos from the game God of War:

Kratos Sword of Chaos

Kratos Sword of Chaos

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Golok

Golok

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Tactical Golok

Tactical Golok

Much better!! Yeah… Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout… And you made me go on that Klingon rant, and nearly pop a gasket, all for nothing. Yes, you. It’s all YOUR fault. Yeah, it’s my blog and I can blame who I want to… And today that is… YOU! Put that in your meat grinder and mince it! Bah Humbug!

<Eric Cartman> Man… I really, really hate you guys… </Eric Cartman>

Anyway, this Tactical Golok is the bees knees. Put together by the folks at Szabo Inc., it looks like a mean little chopper, a nice, evil cross between a machete and an axe. With the sweeping curvy edges and dark demeanour to match. My kind of chopper. Darth Vaders golok, if you will. I mean just look at it:

Tactical Golok Demo

Tactical Golok Demo

What more can I say. Short machete. Wide. Heavy. Evil curves. Double edged.  Integral guard and blade finger choil, possibly for choking up and better control. AND it looks like it comes in black. Which is really just all kinds of WIN.  BUT… It costs and arm and a leg. But if you can afford one, at least you’ll know they’ll be harvesting your limbs in style.

Umm… wait… Was I not supposed to say that out loud?

Tactical Golok – [Szabo Inc]

A groovy little axe…

Friday, November 27th, 2009

When I think of Feng Shui, the Chinese system of organizing your environment in order to maximize positive Chi (aka Qi/Chakra/Energy) flow, the last thing that comes to mind is an axe. However, I suppose, from my admittedly limited knowledge of how it works, there doesn’t seem to be anything in the rulebooks that says Feng Shui cannot work through an axe.

In fact, it seems kind of implicit that an axe should affect the feng shui of any environment, it is in, depending on it’s placement. But now I’m just rambling…

The topic of this post, obviously, is an interesting little axe I ran into a while back. Ostensibly called the Chinese Feng Shui Axe:

Chinese Feng Shui Axe

Chinese Feng Shui Axe

As you can see, it’s an unusual little, all metal axe, fairly simple in design, with a relatively small (as axes go) crescent shaped head, a contoured gourd shaped pommel, and a spike on top. And, or course, the requisite red hair tassel to redirect the blood that might result from employing a little “Feng Shui” reorganization of someones face with said axe..

Hey, I kid, I kid… For the record, I do not condone the arbitrary reorganization of other peoples faces with axes, or, for that matter, any other kind of weapon. Except scalpels. In which case you must be a plastic surgeon, and the person must have been absolutely hideous to start with. But I digress.

This axe actually looks kinda cool, and seems like it would be a little heavy, but fairly effective. But it is, in fact, supposed to frighten bad Chi away. At least according to the website I found it on. Me personally, I think I’d employ a much larger, quite a lot more intimidating axe for that particular task.

I mean seriously. Have you seen the sheer amount of bad Chi floating around nowadays? 😀

Chinese Feng Shui Axe – [Online Oriental]

Wood: the other dark steel…

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Ok, So I will readily admit that the title of todays post was highly influenced by thoughts of thanksgiving turkey…Light meat or dark meat… It’s all good… But I digress.

You may recall a few posts I’ve done in the past on weapons made of wood. Some of them have been about reproduction, prop or cosplay weapons, weapons you could give to your little rascals, or for cosplay (costume play), designed primarily to be a safe alternative to the real thing.

Macahuitl

Macahuitl

However, I’ve also posted about weapon designs that, while made primarily of wood, were still quite lethal as edged weapons. The Macahuitl was one such weapon, using flint or obsidian blades, embedded in a wood frame shaped like a club, or a large broadsword. And then there was the Leiomano, which accomplished the same thing, using shark teeth, but packaged in a small axe form factor.

Leiomano

Leiomano

But I recently ran across an even more beautiful design, yet another based on the small axe form factor, but without any kind of hard blade material whatsoever… Just wood. Really hard wood… Have a gander at this:

Samoan War Axe

Samoan War Axe

Now chances are, the edge would be nowhere as keen as that of a macahuitl, so this would be more likely used freehand as a club, or to break or dislocate bones than an actual cleaving device,  (unless you had a hard surface to chop against and were willing to keep whacking away until the job was done :/ )  However,  it is just a beautiful piece of work.

I just love this thing. Between the smooth and highly polished finish on the weapon, the Samoan patterns on the blade, and the absolutely evil lines on this axe, I just love it to death. Ok, maybe not to death, since I kind of like being alive, but you get the point.

The points on this thing are amazing. The deep bevel of the edge is accentuated by the light colored patterning of the blade area, making it look almost like a thick slab of dark steel. The patterning runs all the way down the shaft, stopping just short of the light colored jute or twine wrapped grip. The combination is just sweet.

Truth be told, I think this wooden axe looks more both more beautiful  and sinister than most of the other evil steel axes I’ve posted on this site so far…

And that’s no small feat for a weapon made entirely of wood.

Samoan War Axe – [My Armory]

If the Grim Reaper used an Axe…

Friday, July 24th, 2009

Yes. That is the question of the day. If old man Grim used and axe instead of a scythe, what would it look like? To be honest I have no clue. I just can’t imagine my O’l buddy Grim using anything other than a scythe. He’s really quite attached to that thing. They have some symbolic history together, something about harvesting souls or some other sappy poetic schmaltz.

Not my cup of tea, really, but he’s all about it. For a guy who spends a lot of time snatching the life right out of unsuspecting peeps at the drop of a hat, he always comes across as a bit of a tragic emo/goth. The perpetually covered face, the dark clothes, the endless angst, always carrying that blasted scythe around regardless of whether he’s actually on the clock or not… Meh. But I apologize. I ramble.

Back to the question at hand. If Mr. G. Reaper were to use an axe, what would it look like? Well, I still can’t say. I admit it. I have no imagination. Sue me. So instead I’m going to show you what some one else thinks it might look like. Allow me present the Grim Reaper Battle Axe:

Grim Reaper Battle Axe

Grim Reaper Battle Axe

Now this is an evil axe. Just the kind of thing I like. Big, crude, heavy, evil edges and lots of points and hooks and barbs and such, with but a token attempt at finesse. Just look at it. Not that Mr R. would ever use it, but you cannot possibly argue that this isn’t a an axe worthy of a reaper-type entity. Heck I’d use it, and reaping is just a hobby I indulge in part time when I’m bored. 😉

What we have here is a huge, 51″ slab of solid, polished stainless steel. On one end a large almost medieval glaive-like double bladed axe head, complete with center spike. Coming down from the head, we have a leather wrapped grip, and then a short, but particularly nasty looking section of serrated blade. below that, we have another leather wrapped grip section, and below that we have a triple barbed hook, ending in a sharp, rather unforgiving looking, talon like point.

Now truth be told, I think the mechanics of this weapon are horrific. I mean, ergonomically speaking, you’d have to be a Klingon, or Vulcan, or have trained using a Bathleth or a Lirpa, or some similarly esoteric weapon, in order for this weapon to make sense. And that void/spike in the center really violates my sense of mechanical aesthetics. Why the huge void cut out of the center of the the Axe head? For weight reduction maybe?

And even then, why attach that point just above that by two really thin looking stems. It’s certainly a cool design feature, but it seems like it would be the first thing to break if subjected to any bending forces. And then, as if those weren’t enough, there’s a serrated blade in the very section of the weapon that your hand would be likely to slide into? I dunno ’bout all that. I would rather think most folks would like to keep their fingers. But that’s just my opinion. 🙂

It just seems to me that a person wielding this weapon would be cruisin’ for a bruisin’… Or didn’t really like their fingers very much. Which would be a shame. BUT on the other hand, every inch of this thing says “I mean business.” And by “business”, I mean “Bringing the pain”. Big time. So I’m on the fence. And unfortunately my old pal Mr. R has remained strangely silent on the issue. No surprise, I suppose, given that none of my concerns regarding self mutilation at the hands of this monstrosity would apply to him.

So what do you think? Is this… Axe Thing… (of ultimate evil) reaper material? Or not? 😀

Grim Reaper Battle Axe – [North Star Collectibles]

Found! Rare Breed of Aquatic Axe!

Friday, June 12th, 2009

I found a rather unusual axe a few days ago. Perhaps it’s not *that* unusual. Especially for a fantasy weapon, since By definition, they really don’t have to adhere to any standardized design specification. However I thought it was an interesting design nonetheless, more or less because its’ designer opted to incorporate some interesting organic touches, and combined them in an unusual way:

Stingray Fantasy Axe

Stingray Fantasy Axe

We have what appears to be an axe with a cast metal handle designed to replicate some sort of animal horn. The shaft curves to one side, as it extends down to the grip, which is itself cast to look like it is wrapped in leather. The pommel is capped by a faux gold ring which, in turn, terminates in a rather cool looking little faux gold spike.

The head of the axe is equally interesting, starting with the two copper or brass looking rings that are made to look as though they are screwed into the faux gold plated horn haft. Attached to each of these two bands are the cheeks of the blade, themselves adorned with an almost Incan looking pattern.

The curvy steel blades appear to be embedded in, and extend from the aforementioned axe cheeks, and bear an unusual set of curves, possibly intended to replicate the wings of a great mythical stingray. Not that I’m any expert or anything, but I don’t know of any stingrays have that particular “wing” formation. 🙂

And now that I think about it, horns of this nature generally occur on land animals, not aquatic creatures. But then again I’m no expert in horned aquatic creatures either. The narwhal comes to mind, but if memory serves, a narwhals horn is actually a tooth formation, and not an actual horn, like a stag or a deer has.

So we have, in effect, a stingray, with steel “wings”, ostensibly formed of horn, bolts, a stinger of unknown origin, and leather wrap, all, in turn, cast in some unknown alloy, and steel. Yeah. Layers upon layers of artistic metaphor at work here ladies and gents. It boggles the mind. Art. Gotta love it.

Of course this is the beauty of “Fantasy” weapons. The designer gets to pick what level of reality to adhere to. And how deep the rabbit hole goes. But when all is said and done, I think the overall look is actually pretty cool. A fantasy sting ray, complete with steel wings, and a curved, spike equipped tail. A work of organic art. Except made entirely of metal.

I wonder if this stingray is domesticated. Forget piranhas. I’d love to have an aquarium full of these.  🙂

Stingray Fantasy Axe – [Amazon]

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