Archive for the ‘Impact’ Category

This one goes out for all the… Ladies?

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Ok. I ran across a rather unusual set of weapons a while back. Weapons designed by an enigmatic Italian designer by the name of Antonio Riello. Weapons specifically for “Ladies”. Or so the site claims. Weapons designed to look like… Ladies fashion accessories.

*shiver*

Now in all fairness, they do appear to be fully functioning weapons. It’s just that… Well… See for yourself:

Gea

Gea

Say Hello to “Gea”. Yep. That’s her name. This spiked,  leopard spotted mace with gold chain and spiked pommel, is called “Gea”. Yeeeaaaah… So… Ok. Now I will admit to being a little conflicted about Gea. On the one hand, I don’t entirely think she looks half bad. But on the other hand, it looks like she was made on a TV show that was some horrific hybrid of “Pimp My Ride” and “Lord of War”.

Now don’t get me wrong. I would be the first to admit that aesthetics are part of the charm of weapons. I constantly proclaim my love of black weapons, and specific shapes, etc.. But this, these weapons, they seem a tad… unnatural. And this is not the worst of it. As if Gea weren’t enough all by her lonesome, Gea has friends:

Ida

Ida

Yeah… Pink. A pink Morning star, and a pink chain mace, called Ida, and Zoe respectively. Ugh.

*shudder*

Zoe

Zoe

Now I’d ask that any ladies among my readership forgive my possibly sexist opinion, but I think these two cross the line somewhere/somehow. They fill me with the same kind of horror that AK-74’s decorated with “Hello Kitty” motifs do. (And, as you’ll see on his site, the venerable AK, among many others, is not immune to desecration by this guy either. Oh! The humanity!!) They almost seem like abominations of some kind. I just can’t help it.

When I look at Ida and Zoe, I can’t help but think they might look better in black. Or, perhaps stained in a deep blood red. I’ll leave it to your imaginations to figure out where I’d get the blood… err… red dye from.

Gea, Ida and Zoe – [Ladies Weapons]

Of Hammers, Swords and Walking Sticks…

Friday, June 19th, 2009

I ran across a rather interesting weapon today, one that combines both old and new battlefield technologies into a contemporary defensive weapon for the modern gentleman. Or not. About it being a modern gentlemanly weapon, I mean. I guess it depends on your point of view. Most civilized folks these days just pack a firearm. Or pack nothing at all, and simply plan to get on their hands and knees, put their hands behind their heads and say “Take whatever you want. I don’t really need it.” But I digress.

Hammer Head Sword Cane

Hammer Head Sword Cane

So this, is a hammer head sword cane. Quite the interesting design, a standard black sword cane, hidden in a smooth black tubular shaft, with a cast metal hammer head grip. On one side a standard hammer head, with cross grid patterned face, and on the other, a perforated spike. Quite a useful combination actually. And this sword cane, unlike most, uses a quick button release, which is an uncommon, but welcome feature in a sword cane. But for me, the most interesting feature of this cane is that hammer/point head.

In medieval times, a similar weapon evolved for the purpose of compromising the ever more heavily armored forces on the battlefield. Most swords weren’t really designed to battle armored opponents, and while most enterprising combatants simply learned how to use chinks in armor to thier advantage, it was sometimes easier and faster to simply compromise the armor.

This is where the war hammer design came from. Put a tough service point (or four) on the head of a small, but heavy impact weapon, and swing it, Louisville Slugger style, at your armored opponent, and you could punch a hole through that armor fairly easily. A small impact area (the point), combined with a relatively large mass (a hammer head) generally tends to do that to hardened metal plating. I’m pretty sure it would really just be a  bad day for the aforementioned armored opponent after that.

Medieval War Hammer

Medieval War Hammer

We don’t generally wear armor these days, however this design is still a good one for defensive impact use. You know, for smacking unruly peeps upside the head and whatnot. Especially for folks who’d rather not actually break out the sword bit if it could be avoided.

And assuming a solid connection between the shaft of the cane and the head (This is usually a very weak link in most sword cane designs) it would be all the more effective because of both the added weight of the hammer head, and the 100% USDA can of whoop a$$ that could be delivered by that pointy bit.

Now that I think about it, those medieval war hammer folks really knew a little too much about bringing the pain…

Hammer Head Sword Cane – [True Swords]

A Fan for the Flames of War…

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

The Japanese have more than their fair share of interesting weapons. Probably because throughout their feud-ridden, battle laden, history they have often found the need to hide their weapons just as much as use them. As a result, they got pretty creative about hiding weapons in plain sight. And turning otherwise innocuous items into weapons.

However some of the most deadliest innocuous weapons in the Japanese arsenal were never actually weapons at all. Take, for instance, this rather innocent looking Japanese fan:

Japanese War Fan (Gunbai-Dansen)

Japanese War Fan (Gunbai-Dansen)

Looks like a regular fan no? Except that it’s not. This particular fan is made of metal. And while it could easily have been used for close quarters defense, (on account of it’s metal construction), It’s real power came from what it was used for. It was actually a military communications device. This is a replica of the Japanese War Fan, aka Gunbai-Dansen, used by generals to signal troop movements on the battlefield.

Imagine that. All that power. All in a little metal fan. A wave here, an soldiers rushed into battle. Another little wave, and the enemy was surrounded. Pull the Queens wave, and you could probably have entire villages crying uncle, without ever spilling a drop of blood. Heh. Must have been good to be a Japanese Warlord back in the day…

And of course I’m sure it was also an excellent tool for smacking incompetent lieutenants upside the head in a pinch. Oh don’t look at me like that. They did too smack people upside the head in Feudal Japan. What? You prefer seppukku or beheading? Wait what?

Sheesh… You bloodthirsty barbarian…

Japanese War fan (Gunbai-Dansen) – [eBladeStore]

Ghost Rider… Scorpion Reincarnated?

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008

OK, If my heading made no sense to you, (in which case you have some serious sociocultural catching up to do, since I live in a cave, shun human contact, and even I know who these characters are) I am referring to the “Ghost Rider“, of comic book and now movie fame, (played excellently, I thought, but what do I know…) by Nicholas Cage, and Scorpion, of video game turned movie “Mortal Kombat“.

Now having got the introductions out of the way, a little more explanation of my heading. It is my suspicion, that the Ghost Rider, and Scorpion, are one and the same. Yes. No, my tin foil hat is not on too tight. I just checked it. No seriously.

Don’t believe me? Okeydokey then. I have proof. Really. Yes, of course I can show it to you… (N00b). Allow me to present exhibit “A”:

Ghost Rider Chain Whip

Ghost Rider Chain Whip

[click image to view full size]

Ok, Now see that? That is the Ghost riders chain whip. Yeah huh. Basically a massive chain, weighted on both ends. This one has a solid steel grip on one end, and a spiked weight on the far end, making it all the more… Lethal. Now here comes the fun part. Do you know what kind of weapon this is? No? Well I’ll tell you. It’s called a Manrikigusari.

Yep, a manriki chain. Ah, but of what significance is that? Well being the helpful chap that I am, I’ll say that the Manrikigusari is a Japanese weapon, and is more importantly, a weapon reputedly used quite a lot by… Yep, you guessed it. Ninjas! Now here comes the tricky part. You know who else is a Ninja? If I have to tell you this, you need to go read someone elses blog… Ah, yes. That’s right. Scorpion! You get a cigar and +100 internets.

What is even more interesting is that one of scorpions signature moves is to launch what looks like a chain from his palm at his opponents, which then impales them so he can reel them in and inflict massive close range damage… In later incarnations, the chain actually became a living extension of Scorpion… Sound familiar? Maybe like Ghost riders chains perhaps? I’m just saying…

Ah, but the similarities do not end there. Ghost rider spends most of his time looking like a normal human being (as good old Johnny Blaze, stunt biker extraordinaire, no less). But when he changes to the Ghost Rider, he has a flaming skull for a head. Oooooh Scaaaarryyy… 😛

Coincidentally, (or not) though Scorpion usually has a ninja mask on, what you can see of his face generally looks normal. However he has this move where he takes off his mask and breathes hell fire out at his opponents. And I’ll give you one guess whats under that mask when he takes it off… Bingo! A fire breathing skull!!

And as if that was not enough, check this out. The Ghost rider is a hell spawned creature who has dedicated his life to metering out vengeance on those who have been wronged. Scorpion, is a hell spawned undead ninja who has dedicated his life to visiting vengeance on those who massacred his clan and killed his family… Freaky coincidence? I think not.

I’m telling you… These two are the same guy. Seriously. It’s some kind of conspiracy. No, I’m not a nut. Have you not read everything I’ve said so far?!? More evidence than you can shake a flaming stick at. And you know what they say. Your not a nut if it’s true… Bah. What do you know…

Either way, this is the sweetest manrikigusari evar…

The Ghost Riders Chain Whip – [True Swords]

Metallurgy 101

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

OK, so I’ll begin this post by apologizing for my distinct lack of posts the past few weeks… But I do have a good excuse. I moved!! I am now hidden away in a new cave, in a suitably isolated location, where I can hopefully blog in peace, without some pesky human happening upon my hidey hole (and me) and deciding it’s a good century to form a party and go Balrog hunting…

No, don’t laugh, it could happen… What, you think Balrogs can’t be swiftboated? Think again. Which is a shame, seriously, cause it’s the 21st century, and you’d think all that mess would have gotten old… But Noooooo… Ya crazy humans… But I digress.

Today I’ll be ranting a little about more human insanity. You’ve probably all heard me rave in many shapes and forms about how there are some marketing gimmicks that really could only have been the brainchild of a IQ challenged, maladjusted orc with a serious case of… Well… We’ll not go there today, suffice to say that there is a fine line between marketing genius and insanity.

Case in point: An interesting set of nunchaku called “Solid Steel Assault”.

Solid Steel Assault

Solid Steel Assault

[Click image to view full size]

Ok. I know what you are thinking. And it’s a valid question. What’s wrong with this? Looks like a sweet pair of nunchaku no? Indeed, one of the first weapons I ever made was a pair of nunchaku. Notwithstanding the occasional lump on the head, and the once-in-a-blue-moon occasion with me writhing on the floor, in the foetal position, clutching at my nads in extreme agony, it was all fun. Good times, good times.

Yes. It’s a good pair of nunchaku. Not great, as it’s not a particularly durable (or safe) design, since It uses a bolt threaded directly into the shaft to secure the swivel bracket to which the chain is attached. And unfortunately this bolt has a tendency to keep backing out. But as issues go, that one is easy to fix. If you have the right tools. Though that would be purely academic to a person whose “half chucks” have just launched themselves into their wide screen TV, Wiimote style…

No. Not particularly safe. But my real beef is it’s name. Solid Steel Assault. Now what, pray tell, would you think this nunchaku would be constructed of, with a name like that? I’ll give you one guess. BZZZT!! WRONG!!. Nope. Not steel. Take another wild guess. Nice guess!! You get an invisible cigar. This nunchaku, Impressively named Solid Steel Assault, is made of… ALUMINUM!! Is that crazy or what!!

Now I’ll be the first to admit my alchemy is a little rusty, but aren’t Steel and Aluminum two different kinds of metal? So why, in the name of all that is sacred, would you give an aluminum weapon a name with Solid Steel anywhere in it? Actually… I have a theory.

I think they were originally going to make it of solid steel. Then someone realized that their fastening method left something to be desired, (IE it’s garbage) and decided to change the material du jour, at the last minute, to aluminum. Why? Because it would hurt less when someone came round to beat them over the head with it for their obvious stupidity…

Hey, I’m just saying…

Solid Steel Assault – [True Swords]

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